January 7th - First meeting with Oncologist

Okay...long awaited meeting with the oncologist today. She was great, the whole office was very friendly and genuine but, it was different than I expected. Well not really, my reaction to it was different then I expected.

First off, the boring technical stuff for those interested. I found out today that pending a "normal" PET scan and bone marrow test, I have Hodgkin's NS Stage 2b. Funny thing is, after having done a little online research a while back, I had already diagnosed myself with NS Stage 2b! I think I should have gone to medical school! The plan will be ABVD chemo every other week for 6 months. Doc says this chemo will certainly cause me to loose all my head hair, but I should keep my facial hair, the eyebrows, eyelashes and chin hairs : ) (I am Italian you know) I will also have practically no immune system so I will have to get all of my shots and I will have to have my white blood cell count checked all the time and if it dips I will have to stay home and away from people. All of this I can deal with. But...

My staging and treatment will change if the PET Scan or bone marrow tests show something else. Or my heart and lungs don't pass their tests. So more things to worry about!

All in all, I have another SIX procedures/tests to pass before I can start my treatment!

I thought I was going to feel relieved, knowing more then I had before and getting a plan in place. But now I just feel overwhelmed and worried that I am not going to pass the tests that I need to in order to keep this thing curable. I can deal with 2b, I don't know how I am going to do if I have to take any more bad news. Everyone says, "Don't worry, I am sure all the tests will come back fine." And I am sure that is true for someone with even a little bit of luck. But the one thing I have learned over the last few years is I am not a lucky person! But maybe it time for my luck to change. I have always held onto hope and faith somehow. And I believe in the power of prayer! So please keep them coming.