First off, I managed to make it almost completely through today without crying. If I had made it would have been the first tear-free day since the dreaded Christmas Eve. But I didn't....
I have been feeling pretty good physically so I went to the mall with my mom to check out wigs and do some after Christmas shopping. All of a sudden, I began feeling a sharp stabbing pain in my chest once again. It caught me by surprised and scared the sh*t out of me! Guess I shouldn't be too surprised. I am not on the prednisone any more, so why wouldn't the pain come back? I just turned to my mother and said "Mom, I'm scared." Thank God my mom was there to talk me through it. She said all the right things and it quickly passed.
Rest of today was pretty uneventful. Although I am getting anxious to be shortly arriving at the "Next Business Day", which means my biopsy results will be in. But I don't want to know them until I meet with the oncologist and they are interpreted for me in non-doctor speak.
And then came the hardest moment of the night, putting my 11 year old son to bed. He can't sleep, he just says, "Mom, I'm scared". But I didn't know what to say, sometimes there isn't anything that can be said. Or maybe I don't have enough "mom experience" under my belt? And that is when the tears came.
On a lighter note, there will be more tears at work tomorrow, when I see the piles of work on my desk! The sick part is, I am actually looking forward to it!
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