Crazy exhausted, but I just can't sleep. I would love to be able to blame it on the chemo, but I have had many nights like this long before my cancer diagnosis. Although, the steroids I am on can't be helping.
The days just seem to mush together. I rarely leave the house anymore, because the fatigue that comes after just doing the most mundane tasks isn't worth it. And if it isn't the fatigue it's the back pain that seems to never relent. It seriously takes such a tremendous effort just to get up and get out of the house most days. Grocery shopping has become my arch-nemesis. It's a good thing my kid loves hamburger helper and spaghetti! The good news is my complexion is at it's very best, as I only put make up on once a week, if that.
I look back at my life just a few months ago and wonder, "How did I do all that at once?" Raising a family, working, spending time with friends, working out, shopping and I still had time for fun every now and then.
I hope soon to get back to that, back to my life. I really miss it.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
April 19th - 7th chemo and a very sad week
I had my 7th chemo on Monday, went fine, no surprises. My white blood count was fine thanks to the Neulasta. Lots of stomach problems since then, but no surprise there.
Unfortunately, I had some very sad news this past weekend. On Saturday, my beloved grandfather passed away at the age of 84 at his home in Florida. He was my last surviving grandparent. His health took a very quick turn, and there was not much time to say "goodbye". I miss him dearly, and wish I could have been at the service yesterday. He was truly an amazing man and a hard worker. He spent his whole life serving his community in so many different ways. He was a veteran, a police officer, a firefighter and head of security in the gated community he lived in. He never stopped helping people, and he always did it with a smile on his face. My grandfather always appreciated family and loved us all dearly, especially my grandmother who passed about 2 years before him.
Unfortunately, I had some very sad news this past weekend. On Saturday, my beloved grandfather passed away at the age of 84 at his home in Florida. He was my last surviving grandparent. His health took a very quick turn, and there was not much time to say "goodbye". I miss him dearly, and wish I could have been at the service yesterday. He was truly an amazing man and a hard worker. He spent his whole life serving his community in so many different ways. He was a veteran, a police officer, a firefighter and head of security in the gated community he lived in. He never stopped helping people, and he always did it with a smile on his face. My grandfather always appreciated family and loved us all dearly, especially my grandmother who passed about 2 years before him.
He was very concerned about my health in the past few months and I really wish he could have seen me beat this!
I love you Grandpa Pat! XOXO
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
April 7th - All right Neulasta, work your magic!
I went back today for my Neulasta injection, and I must say, those shots are not enjoyable. They sting quite a bit. Similar to a tetanus shot. But now I just have to bide my time till it kicks in. Given the nice weather, I decided to quarantine myself to my back yard instead of my bedroom. So my plans were, after I got my Neulasta I was going to come home and sit in the back yard with a book and relax. Not feeling too bad today, just my typical day after chemo weakness and fatigue.
However, nurse Ratched had different plans for me. She said I look dehydrated and that it was in my chart to give me iv fluids and anti nausea meds (including more steroids) today! For those of you not experienced in these types of things, that would mean me trapped in the chemo room, hooked up to an iv for at least a couple of hours! No thank you! I am only slightly nauseous and I have pills I can take if it gets too bad. And there is nooo way I am dehydrated, I drink so much water, I might as well have an office set up in my bathroom. Plus, more iv steroids means not sleeping, hot flashes and other fun side effects for the next couple days.
I walked right on out of there. What can I say, I'm a rebel.
However, nurse Ratched had different plans for me. She said I look dehydrated and that it was in my chart to give me iv fluids and anti nausea meds (including more steroids) today! For those of you not experienced in these types of things, that would mean me trapped in the chemo room, hooked up to an iv for at least a couple of hours! No thank you! I am only slightly nauseous and I have pills I can take if it gets too bad. And there is nooo way I am dehydrated, I drink so much water, I might as well have an office set up in my bathroom. Plus, more iv steroids means not sleeping, hot flashes and other fun side effects for the next couple days.
I walked right on out of there. What can I say, I'm a rebel.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
April 6th - My exciting 6th chemo!
Extremely eventful morning! First and foremost, today was my 6th treatment! That's right folks, SIXTH out of TWELEVE! Halfway point! Yay! That alone makes it a special day, but that was only the beginning...
So my chemo was scheduled for a Tuesday this week instead of my normal Monday routine, because my doctor is on vacation all week and her partner doesn't work Mondays. (Yes, I know, very small office, but I actually like it that way). Anyway, after my last chemo I was not given the Nuelasta, because my doctor wanted to see if that was causing the kidney (back) pain. So I knew going in, that because I didn't get the Nuelasta the last time, that this blood count was going to be low. But I had discussed this possibility with my doc last week and we decided that we would go ahead and do the chemo as planned and do the Nuelasta the next day.
So I go in this morning with a sore throat and stuffy nose and sure enough it was pretty damn low, a lot lower than I expected. My doctor's partner came into see me and he was 50/50 on how to proceed, he explained my options and pretty much left the decision up to me. Doing the chemo today was taking a risk, but delaying it is also taking a risk.
If I decide to delay it, this would be my second delay. The doctor explained that delaying it again would lower my cure rate, albeit, very slightly. It is important to keep your chemo on schedule as much as possible, especially with Hodgkin's. Hodgkin's cancer cells are very rapidly dividing cells, quicker then many other cancers. Therefore, you run the risk of the cancer spreading in between chemo treatments if they are given to far apart. Going through with treatment is risky because the Nuelasta (which will be given to me tomorrow) takes 5 days to work and the chemo given today is only going to make my white blood count drop further during that time. With little to no white blood cells, you run the risk of getting an infection and winding up in the hospital. I really wish MY doctor was there to talk to, but the nurse informed me that my doc had received my blood test results at home and was on board with whatever I decided. Being the daredevil that I am, I said go for it. I am praying that I made the right decision. I am quarantining myself to my bedroom!
But that was only the start of the fun. While I was getting my chemo, a bank right up the road from the office was robbed at gunpoint! The suspect got away with $40,000 dollars and was on the run, so the doctor's office was put on lock down! No patients in no patients out. A helicoptor was circling and the air raid sirens were blaring outside the windows! Finally the lock down was lifted and I got to leave. Believe me, the last place you want to be trapped is your oncology office. As much as I like the staff there, I associate the place with very bad things.
Anyway, wish me luck, from a distance. And if you do happen to see me, please don't sneeze or cough in my direction. : )
So my chemo was scheduled for a Tuesday this week instead of my normal Monday routine, because my doctor is on vacation all week and her partner doesn't work Mondays. (Yes, I know, very small office, but I actually like it that way). Anyway, after my last chemo I was not given the Nuelasta, because my doctor wanted to see if that was causing the kidney (back) pain. So I knew going in, that because I didn't get the Nuelasta the last time, that this blood count was going to be low. But I had discussed this possibility with my doc last week and we decided that we would go ahead and do the chemo as planned and do the Nuelasta the next day.
So I go in this morning with a sore throat and stuffy nose and sure enough it was pretty damn low, a lot lower than I expected. My doctor's partner came into see me and he was 50/50 on how to proceed, he explained my options and pretty much left the decision up to me. Doing the chemo today was taking a risk, but delaying it is also taking a risk.
If I decide to delay it, this would be my second delay. The doctor explained that delaying it again would lower my cure rate, albeit, very slightly. It is important to keep your chemo on schedule as much as possible, especially with Hodgkin's. Hodgkin's cancer cells are very rapidly dividing cells, quicker then many other cancers. Therefore, you run the risk of the cancer spreading in between chemo treatments if they are given to far apart. Going through with treatment is risky because the Nuelasta (which will be given to me tomorrow) takes 5 days to work and the chemo given today is only going to make my white blood count drop further during that time. With little to no white blood cells, you run the risk of getting an infection and winding up in the hospital. I really wish MY doctor was there to talk to, but the nurse informed me that my doc had received my blood test results at home and was on board with whatever I decided. Being the daredevil that I am, I said go for it. I am praying that I made the right decision. I am quarantining myself to my bedroom!
But that was only the start of the fun. While I was getting my chemo, a bank right up the road from the office was robbed at gunpoint! The suspect got away with $40,000 dollars and was on the run, so the doctor's office was put on lock down! No patients in no patients out. A helicoptor was circling and the air raid sirens were blaring outside the windows! Finally the lock down was lifted and I got to leave. Believe me, the last place you want to be trapped is your oncology office. As much as I like the staff there, I associate the place with very bad things.
Anyway, wish me luck, from a distance. And if you do happen to see me, please don't sneeze or cough in my direction. : )
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