Friday, February 26, 2010

February 26th - Hellloooo Neulasta!

Okay...either I am having some side effects from Neulasta or I've developed severe arthritis in my legs and lower back overnight. Being that I have yet to hit 30, I am leaning towards this being a nasty effect from the Neulasta. If I sit on the couch and don't move it isn't too bad. But I am walking like an 80 year old. I read online that lots of people experience bone pain from it, but I didn't see anything on how long it stays. Hopefully this doesn't last too long.

The good news is, I am told that the pain means the drug is working. You get it the pain because your bones are in overdrive producing white blood cells which my body desperately needs at this point. So the pain isn't for nothing, at least my body is accomplishing something.

So it looks like another day on the couch for me. : ( I really am getting antsy to get back to work. I miss my job and my coworkers. I haven't been to work in a week, and I don't feel like myself without my job. It is a big part of who I am and I feel like I have already lost alot of my identity because of this cancer. That has been the hardest part for me, I really grieve the loss of my lifestyle sometimes.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

February 24th - Wow am I ever tired!

After the little delay from my white blood cells not behaving, I had my chemo on Monday. Followed by the Neulasta shot yesterday. They both were very uneventful, but I feel exhausted. I probably slept 20 of the last 24 hours and I am still exhausted. I think the flu like symptoms I seem to get after every chemo have been made slightly worse from the Neulasta, but who knows, that could just be in my head.

I'm hoping to be able to get to work for at least partial days by the end of this week. Believe it or not, I miss my work, sitting at home staring at the walls with no energy to get up off the couch is not very much fun.

For those of you who aren't aware, a woman I know through Gilda's, is running in a marathon for LLS in June and has made me one of her honored patients! Her name is Angelique and she is a Lymphoma survivor as well. I can see where she gets her name from, she has been like an angel to me. She has been giving me advice and piece of mind since before I began chemo. She managed to stay positive though out her fight with cancer and she is truly an inspiration to me.

I know I have mentioned before how much I love the Gilda's Club as a whole, but I can't stress enough how wonderful of a program it is and how supportive the other members are. I know some people who have been reading my blog are not members yet and I really have to say you won't regret it if you decide to join. It's free, so what do you have to loose? I really don't know how I would make it through this without Gilda's.

Friday, February 19, 2010

February 19th - Disappointing end to a turbulent week

I has been a very difficult week for me. Lots of highs and lows. It all started last Thursday with my trip to the ER and then the next 4 days in the hospital. I went in with severe acid reflux and vomiting. I was also very dehydrated. An endoscopy revealed a swollen esophagus and stomach, another fun side effect from chemo we are guessing? While I was in the hospital, I also spiked a fever, with no explanation. My blood counts were all relatively good, and it went away as mysteriously as it came. Spent four days on IV fluids, stomach and pain meds.

There was a silver lining...while I was in the hospital the doctor ordered a chest xray. The xray revealed that the mass of lymphoma in my chest shrank so significantly that it was not even visible! We were expecting it to shrink quickly, but not disappear so fast! So all of the side effects from the chemo are not being experienced in vain. As much as I feel like the chemo is killing me, it is actually saving my life. I guess you could say chemo and I have a love/hate relationship at this point.

I was released from the hospital on Sunday and the last few days have been quiet, with minimal side effects. Still have the severe acid reflux from time to time, but it doesn't last long. I even went into work on Wednesday and Thursday. So I was gearing up for my 3rd chemo this morning. Went to the oncologist's office and more bad news...white blood cell count is too low, can't do chemo. Damn. As funny as this might sound, I am so disappointed! I want this behind me more then anything and prolonging it is more torturous then just dealing with the stupid side effects.

I will go back in on Monday, by then the doctor believes my body will have produced more white blood cells and we will be able to do the chemo. And I will be given an injection of Nulasta (a white blood cell producing drug) following my chemo to prevent this from happening again.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

February 5th - Chemo two I hardly knew you?

Chemo two so far has been very different then chemo one. I was told that your body would act simalarly to each chemo, given that the same drugs are used and what ever reaction you had to them would be the same. Appearently not true in my case. Either that or they made some mistake and gave me someone elses chemo.

It was different from the start. Fortunately I sailed right through the actual process with no side effects other then the general drowsiness caused by the benadryl that they give you. Then I came home and I was wide awake. I didn't sleep for hours and hours like the last chemo day.

That's where the good differences end and the bad ones began. In the afternoon, I started to develop severe lower back. The only way I can describe it is like the pain you have in your back from menstrual cramps only much worse (sorry guys, I know I lost you on that analogy). I was hunched over and could hardly walk. I had to take pain pills to get it to subside which finally put me to sleep, thank God.

I also am having insomnia. I never knew before chemo that it was possible to have fatigue and insomnia at the same time. Basically, you are exhausted and run down, but sleep never comes. That's why I am sitting here blogging at 2:30 am instead of getting some shut-eye. I took more benadryl so hopefully that will kick in and I will be headed to Zzzz land in no time.

I am also worried that I may be catching the bug that my 11 year old has had for the past week. He has had a sore throat, stuffy nose and fever for days now. I have a sore throat and runny nose. Thankfully no fever. We will see what tomorrow brings.