Friday, July 9, 2010

July 8th - Post-chemo follow up

Okay this didn't go as I had anticipated. I am troubled by my appointment today, which is why I am writing this at 1 am! I need a little advice from my friends. My doctor doesn't want to do radiation on me as a preventative measure, assuming my next PET scan is clean. I have been told by many others that radiation is the standard after chemo in Hodgkin's treatment regardless of what the PET scan might show. I had a significant tumor in my chest going into this and it needs to be GONE. I haven't felt the need to question any of my doc's recommendations up to this point. But now I feel that I may need to get a second opinion. When I raised my concerns about foregoing the radiation, I felt like she dismissed them with a "Because I said so" approach, which was very surprising coming from her. She has had excellent bed-side manner up to this point and is usually very patient and willing to explain her convictions. The fact that I am even questioning her expertise troubles me. I feel like my oncologist has been my personal guardian angel through this. My faith and trust in my doctor has been unwavering, and tonight, I feel just as confused and scared as I did 6 months ago. When will the day come when I can put these "life or death" type decisions behind me?

Sunday, July 4, 2010

June 28th - 12th and Final Chemo

Sorry for my delay in blogging. I had my final chemo on Monday and I wanted to wait a bit to post. I didn't want my post about my last chemo to sound whiny, so I wanted to wait a few days for my overall whininess to dissipate. Also, the neuropathy in my fingers makes typing not so fun.

The last one was very difficult. On Tuesday and Wednesday, I couldn't get out of bed or walk for that matter. I refused to let my husband leave my side because I really thought I was dying. That's how bad it was. I was also having difficulty swallowing, so on Wednesday, I went back to the doctor's for more IV fluids. I wasn't happy because my doctor was on vacation and I was sure when my doctor's colleague saw me, he was going to admit me to the hospital cause I was in such rough shape. But all he said was, "Just be thankful this was your last one, your body wouldn't take anymore of this." He also explained that the difficulty swallowing, moving my neck and walking was all attributed to really bad neuropathy, and would pass. By Wednesday night, things had improved and I was able to get out of bed on my own, and walk, although my husband said I was "leaning to the left". I just kept thinking of a car with a bad alignment when he said that : )

And now this weekend I am doing much better. Neuropathy is still in my hands and feet, but much better than it was. Also still a little fatigued and a bit nauseous, but each day is an improvement over the last and I know now that it is only a matter of time until I am back to my "old self".

So here I am. I made it. And it really sucked. I wouldn't wish this experience on my worst enemy.